Let’s start with a story.
Girl walks into party. She smiles and walks toward you. She is confident and secure. You compliment her and she responds, “Thank you. I like my eyes, too.” Perhaps, you further compliment her and mention how pretty her face is. Again, she says, “Thank you. I like my face, too.” Her responses throw you off guard. You think about how she responded with “odd” responses. You are immediately unattracted to the girl that is attracted to herself. After all, you expected one of the more likely answers:
- “Aw, I don’t think so, but that is so sweet of you!”
- “Thanks” (with an awkward smile).
- “I really don’t like it.”
I have heard a huge amount of guys and girls talk about how unattractive it is to meet an individual that knows that he or she is attractive. However, I pose the argument that it IS attractive to meet someone who knows that he or she is attractive. There is nothing wrong with loving yourself. I believe that our society has yet another double standard, and this one really upsets me. Individuals want to date individuals that are confident, but not so confident to be willing to acknowledge his or her attractiveness. This issue is found in men, women, straight, gay, etc. Everyone faces this and feels this.
While I’ll admit that acknowledging what that you are complimented for can be a bit socially awkward, I don’t think there is anything wrong with saying you mutually like something about yourself. After all, I used to be one of those girls that had a hard time with compliments. Even learning to say “Thanks,” instead of immediately refuting the compliment was difficult for me. Within the last year of my life, I’ve developed a new kind of confidence. I’ve taught myself to notice what I like about myself. I’ve allowed myself to be open about what I like about myself. Also, my husband encouraged me to always compliment my own self whenever I say something bad about myself.
ALL of this was hard for me. I found that the longer I let myself hate something about me, the worse it became. For instance, I used to really hate my hips. I told myself that there were large and ugly. I covered my disdain for my hips by saying that I just have Latina hips and there was nothing that I could do about it, but secretly would stare in the mirror every night and wonder why they were so large (note: my hips weren’t beautiful Christina Hendricks, Kimmy K, Beyonce kind of hips–they were “Hi! my name is Evi, and I love copious amounts of fast food”-kind of hips). My sadness, frustration, and negativity drove me to further to think negatively and mistreat my body. I ate more and more junk food, thus perpetuating the issue.
Now that being said, I don’t think that there is anything wrong with having curvy hips. In fact, I’ve come to love mine. After all, Beyonce didn’t build her empire on a flat butt. That girl used every bit of female strength, including those rocking and strong glutes. Nevertheless, I started to learn to love me when I began to take care of me. I started eating better and exploring healthy food that I had never tried before. I started going on walks with my husband to exercise. I began to write in my journal about what I loved about that day. I forced myself to do an exercise that my modern dance teacher made me do in high school: look in the mirror for a minute and not judge myself.
Sure, I’m not perfect. Still, I noticed that felt happier and like I was in control. Today, I have control of my emotions and my body. Best of all, I know that I am beautiful. I still have curvier hips than most of the girls around me. However, I love them. Why? Because loving yourself shouldn’t be viewed as a problem.
So here is what to do when you meet someone who knows that her or himself is attractive: tell them that you love his or her confidence. Don’t speak negatively of that person. Don’t say that you think it is unattractive. Even if it is fake confidence, fake confidence is better than NO confidence. Also, if you don’t think that it is attractive to know you’re attractive, likelihood is that you have issues of your own.
Dating hint: Relationships that involve two confident people are fore more likely to last and be happier. Plus, then you won’t have to worry about your woman asking you if she looks fat in that dress.
Shout out to all of the people who know they are beautiful.
Send this to every person you believe needs to be reminded that it is ok to recognize you are beautiful!